New England Coaching


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Leadership – Self Management

Why is it that the focus of Leadership primarily revolves around the relationship a leader has with others? One forgets that this whole process very much starts with the relationship you have with yourself. If this sounds a little bizarre, let me explain.

Do people sometimes regard you as unpredictable, unapproachable (depending on the day), not very receptive to bad news, sad, perhaps not even fun to be around? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you could be lacking in the Genos EI skill of Emotional Self Management. This skill pertains to how effectively you manage your own emotions and it manifests itself as your MOOD. The following strategies offer the opportunity of how you might cope more effectively with moods and dramatically improve your leadership style (and your overall wellbeing and happiness).

1. Thinking Strategies

How do you switch those negative thoughts into positive ones? Some examples of what people use for this might include meditation, perspective shifting, problem solving or reading / self education. These are designed to allow you to relate to worrisome issues more effectively and through a different set of lenses.

2. Physiological Strategies

What type of physical activity can alleviate mood swings? Examples would include exercising, yoga, breathing regulation or simply a change of daily pace. That early morning run clears the head or that evening workout relieves the tension. By consciously choosing to include some exercise (ideally that your enjoy) you can contribute to your emotional wellbeing.

3. Environmental Strategies

The environment we find ourselves in creates significant associations with the mood we feel – whether at home, school, the office or any other place you might find yourself for a protracted period of time. Seek out opportunities such as improved room layout, better working hours, less of a commute or even the presence of relaxing music.

4. Relationship Strategies

How do the people you surround yourself with impact how you feel? If this is an area of concern, speak with those you trust, vent your emotions, engage a coach or surround yourself with people whom you feel comfortable with. Identify the important relationships in your life, move on from old toxic ones and replace them with energizing ones.

These all require action on your part; action that allows you to assume more control over your own destiny. Ask yourself what do you want – then do it!

Finally, if you can effectively manage your own emotions, or moods, this will enhance your ability to:

  • Cope with greater and changing demands,
  • Allow you to move on quickly from setbacks and
  • Effectively implement strategies to maintain a positive outlook.

About Bill Sex

Bill Sex is President of New England Coaching and specializes in supporting personal, professional and organizational advancement with specific emphasis on coaching skills, emotional intelligence and employee engagement / motivation.

One Response

Comment from Ingrid Fischer van Houte
Time: July 1, 2011, 8:26 am

“Do people sometimes regard you as unpredictable, unapproachable (depending on the day), not very receptive to bad news, sad, perhaps not even fun to be around? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you could be lacking in the Genos EI skill of Emotional Self Management” —Okay, let me stick my neck out here…… When I read these words, that old ego “need more self improvement” bell started to ring, but only a second this time, for I reminded myself that one of the great lessons in ife is also humility and emotional honesty. I am NOT saying that it is okay to have lots of bad moods, to be more of a sad person than a fun person, that you help others by shrinking away from sad news and thus abandoning them–no, of course we strive to grow and become great at self management. But I wish to highlight another side here. It is also good for leaders and for all of us, to have compassion with ourselves, allow others to have comassion for us, and be honest when we have a bit of an ‘off”day. Instead of “always’ be Miss Sunny Side UP” say honestly” ‘You kniw what? I am a bit tired today, or a bit sad about my dog dying and I will be okay soon. But would you be kind and take over this task from me/ ” People love to see their leaders ( and parents_ be honest about being human and imperfect, for it gives them a chance to be REAL too. So–yes–take a walk, eat well, do your dialy meditation, play your uplifting or soothing music, but also ALLOW each moment that does not “fit” that ideal of being what it is described above. With ALLOWANCE it ( vulnerability) will pass, it does not get stuck, it moves through, and it gives others a chance to help you though, and feel their own ability to BE love or take a turn at leading YOU the “leader”. This is just my little two pence in the bag–but it works for me and my kids to be REAL and not Miss Super all the time, just because I am older, have applied myself to a certain learning path longer or have achieved leadership roles. Tears can also be of healing and gratitude. It is not all sadness when we have a vulnerable day. Love and Light, God Bless, Ingrid.

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